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Stop Cursing, Just Dance!

by dUPONd DUPONt

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1.
I've been doing some repentance for all the boundaries I refuse to set, but please respond to my wave, "Hi" even if I haven't met you yet. I struggle with feeling connected. It makes me feel in love and alive. Yelling makes me feel less rejected, but there are better things for which to strive. There is a difference between those who don't give a damn and those who try hard. It's all about perspective. Non-stop examining and sometimes folding your cards. I let my friends draw on my shoes once. It's not that I regret it. I just can't explain the pictures and they're often complemented. I've got queern written on one boot and a fake foot drawn on the other. I just can't help but thinking that they're saying something about me that isn't true. There is a difference between those who don't give a damn and those who try hard. It's all about perspective. Non-stop examining and sometimes folding your cards. Thank God for me it's 2013 and I can wear anything that I'd like to wear, but I don't think that it'll last long. It's like face paint, and reverb, and center-parted hair. We will rebel and reconstruct and re-invent and return to the thoughts and events in our lives, which we had thought lost their importance. They will challenge us and make us feel alive. We're all a part of the same history. I credit four of those words to professor T'ai. There is a difference between those who don't give a damn and those who try hard. It's not about repentance, we're all dancing together and it makes us feel in love and alive.
2.
Turn Red 04:30
Though validation can be comforting, it lead me to hurt more when I'm ignored, so it'd be cool to only have to focus on the things that make me feel less bored. I might have failed out of high school, but I played a lot of music and did art. I felt way more satisfied than I do now, as long as I wasn't doing any drugs. There are things that I enjoy more than other things and I've always ever done them for myself. I've always gone on walks and made music and I'll eat and dance until it makes me sick. I'm just incredibly stubborn, my whole family tells me so. It's obviously becoming a problem! I wont change myself because I know!!! I know, I know. If I get an A I only want to drink with my friends and if they like me then I only want to study. I hope that my boss never shows appreciation because then she'll surely fire me. I thought that I would be more productive. If I read more books and quit the internet. As it turns out I prefer reading and do even less of the work that I get. I know there'll be times when I'm happy and there'll be times when I feel alone. I know that I will work 'till I retire, so that I can have a good future. I remember when I was much younger. I had my first date at the air-in-space museum. Michael Laufman and I sat together in an airplane. My face turned red as we held each other's hands. Now it's harder to surrender to emotions cuz I can tell what lies ahead. I can't stand all of this assurance. I want to let my face turn red. LET MY FACE TURN RED.
3.
I want to be a high school teacher, cuz nothing else has suited me as well. I was afraid to be like my grandma, but now I know that my grandma's cool as hell. She was the first in our family to go to college. She was a national merit scholar. Her mother wanted her to be like Shirley Temple, but she taught history to kids aged 10-12. MY GRANDMA IS COOL AS HELL! It's hard to live in a place, where you feel you don't fit in, but I learned from her that you should stay, or one day you might regret leaving it. Like me she didn't play well with other kids, she thought that she was just another country bumpkin. Owned no formal dresses to dine with her friends but had a date with a Nigerian prince (it's true). Danced in almost every program at Vassar, or at least as long as she was there. Partook in many plays and worked too! She would wash and put away the silverware! Went to tour at county fairs in Nebraska, won pie-eating contests against the local champs. When I was 5 she taught me how to do a hand stand. There's no denying that my grandma's cool as hell. If out of adventure comes more adventure, then out of something great comes something... grand. I want to be just like my grandma, I'll be a teacher and I'll play in a band.
4.
For someone who claimed to have no shame, he seemed to regret, a whole lot of things, not the girls that he slept with or the drugs that he did, just the way that he was in front of his friends. The last one from our hometown to go, his friends would come home on occasion or so. We'd stop by his porch and chain smoke marlboros, leave the next day not to be seen 'till our next break. And he'd party on weekends and Wednesdays and Thursdays, dropped out of school, though he wasn't failing. Went to work on a farm outside our home town, followed his dreams, but had nobody with him. He teared at himself and despaired because of the girl who ODed that he loved. He said working's the only way to feel better. WORKING AND DRINKING ARE THE ONLY WAYS TO FEEL BETTER! Undecided and moving from idea to idea, he stumbled-upon a professional career. Moved up north to a place near Pittsburgh. He wont talk to his dad and it worries his mother. He used to hit on me because he loved me in high school...through facebook and email and myspace but twitter would be weird... When I offered to call he picked up but didn't talk long. I'm concerned for them as much as I can be, but they're far away and it's none of my business, but I hope that they still care about me, yeah I hope that they still care about me. I hope they call and say HEY GET THROUGH THE DAY when they start to see me in the same way, but nobody cares when you live far away, no one cares when you live far away. I've been dreaming that my lost boys would come to Wisconsin. It'd be a blast and we could go fishing. I've got tickets to paintball and we'd swim in the river, walk through the corn fields, or go apple picking. Come to Wisconsin as tourists or friends. I'd like to see your faces again.
5.
I learned a smart fact in my class. I will just spit it back out. I found a cool move that only I can do and I'll do it all the time in front of you. I have a disease in my knee and that makes me way more specialer than you. I've got a show in Colorado, no I don't that's a lie. I'm not modest I'm not modest I'm anything but modest but I'm trying to be and I just keep showing off. So sing with me cuz I have shame. Please take the mic and try and sing this better. Or whisper a song and I'll try and sing along I am trying to be a better listener. but I wont listen at all if you're a broken record. Please give me something new to react to. I just want to be seen as much as you do but I don't want to have to do a fucking cartwheel.
6.
Farewell 02:49
Your farewell reminds me of the old train which passed us by. Morning's light might wake me well, but not as well as your farewell. Your farewell reminds me of children yelling at themselves. Chalk and nails might break me well, but not as well as your farewell. It had been so long since you'd come back home and now I'm not coming back babe. Your farewell reminds me of how I smelled when I was twelve. Crashing cars and shooting up means that you lost and that I won.
7.
I don't want to leave anyone because I don't want them to feel this way. I'm still hungry for so many things. Like touring, and ice cream, and pickled herring. I got a job down by the river. I've been teaching dance to children. I'll watch them grow and I'll miss them so because I'll be gone in a year you know. I fell in love and we went fishing. He fell for the fish and now I miss him. Now I got no love and I got no fish and walking by the river reminds me of it and I'll watch them grow and I'll miss them so because I'll be gone in a year you know. In May some friends will graduate. It's hard for me I hesitate to call them, text them on their phone because before long they'll be gone and I got no love and I got no fish and walking by the river reminds me of it and I'll watch them grow and I'll miss them so because I'll be gone in a year you know. I played a show in Cleveland. They sure fed me a whole lot of pizza. I was full then, but I'm hungry now and I want to go back to that town. I'll call them, text them on their phone because before long they'll be gone and I got no love and I got no fish and walking by the river reminds me of it and I'll watch them grow and I'll miss them so because I'll be gone in a year you know.
8.
Just dance. Just Win. Fuck off. Get a condom.

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released April 10, 2013

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